It’s Monday morning around 8:00 a.m. and I just finished meditating. As I turned off my Donnie McClurkin tape feeling spiritually empowered, I noticed that my driver’s side window would not close. After several attempts to no avail, frustration began to set in. As the warmth that once filled my car dwindled, my spiritual high was shattered. I began to think about all the financial responsibilities that I would have to juggle. “I’m barely making it. I can’t afford this right now. It’s always something.” As my thoughts overwhelmed me, the approaching holiday season came to mind and my head began to hurt.Â
After a few moments a calming Shhhhh came over my spirit. In that peaceful moment, I found myself being led to write the word Christmas on a piece of paper. Looking at the word for a moment and noticing the obvious of the first six letters, my attention was drawn to the last three. As time passed, I began to realize that MAS meant MORE in Spanish. “Christ More.” I pondered for a moment. “More Christ.”
I soon found myself in a whirlwind of thought and my questioning began. “God, You know this year I made an effort to move closer to You. I’m truly trying to align my life with Your will. I’m going to bible study, reading (my bible) daily and I’m working on my prayer life. I don’t understand.” Interrupted by my Uncles arrival (to take my car to the shop) I went to work and was later informed that the problem with my window was minor. It was just off its track.
As the week progressed, I continually thought about my More Christ scenario and the incident with my window repeatedly came to mind. In a quiet moment during lunch, something inside me clicked. I realized God was showing me I was off track. Feeling puzzled, I began to soul search and took an honest look at myself in the mirror. As painful as it was, I realized, I did not like what I saw. Despite my desires to move closer to God, I am in a cycle of letting fear and the lack of trust and faith stand in my way. Despite my desires to move closer to God, I don’t forgive myself when I know God is forgiving. Despite my desire to move closer to God, I often battle with defeating thoughts when I know they are not from Him. Despite my desire to move closer to God, I entertain temptations. Despite my attempts to let go and let God, I manage t hold on and the list goes on.
I know that I have a long way to go in my spiritual journey. The one thing that keeps me going (outside of God’s grace) is the fact that He who began a good work in me will carry it on until it is completed. For this reason, God if you are listening (and I know you are) all I want for Christmas is MORE CHRIST.